


trust fall

by icepools



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Coming Out, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Period-Typical Homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-10-21 11:37:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20692886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icepools/pseuds/icepools
Summary: Will was gay. That much he knew. He just didn’t know that today would be the day he was going to come out for the first time.or: will shares his secret with the most important people in the world to him.





	trust fall

He didn’t really know what he’d done until he’d done it. 

Will was gay. That much he knew. He just didn’t know that today would be the day he was going to come out for the first time. 

It started with a phone call from the Sinclair house, notifying Will that they were going over to Mike’s and he should (no,_ had to_) come. He was going to just agree. Just say _okay, cool, see you_ _there _and leave it at that. 

But Will Byers and his stupid mouth decided to say, “_Can you come over first? I need to talk to you._”

And yes, he was stupid. Yes, he was beating himself up over it. Sure, he could lie and say that it was actually nothing, and let’s just go to Mike’s now. But he had already dug himself into a hole, and he had to stay there. 

(Deep down, he knew he wanted to stay anyway.)

His mom asked him what was wrong, watching as he paced anxiously throughout the house. This time, Will ignored the voice that was _ screaming _ at him to yell _ I’m gay! _and choked out a “nothing, I’m okay” and Joyce left it at that. 

It felt like years had gone by when Will heard a knock at the door. Practically sprinting towards the door, in order to beat Joyce or Jonathan, he took in a breath, held it, and opened the door. 

Lucas stood there, looking worried. “Hey, uh, you okay, man? You sounded scared on the phone, is it—?” He didn’t need to finish the sentence for Will to understand what he was trying to get at.

He was quick to ease him. “Oh, god, no, um, it’s just—can we go to my room?” Lucas frowned a bit, Will noticed, but he nodded nonetheless. 

After Lucas entered, Will shut the door quietly, as if trying to hide the fact that he had a friend over. He didn’t want Joyce to know; but why? It was just Lucas, she loved Lucas. 

_ It’s because you don’t want her to know. _

Will winced.

Lucas lead the way to Will’s room (how did that happen?) and once they were inside Will practically slammed the door behind them. 

“Will, are you okay? You’re acting really weird,” Lucas mumbled. Will didn’t answer; he pointed to the edge of his bed. _ Sit. _

“Seriously, dude, what’s up with you? Are you sure it’s not—?”

“Yes, Lucas, I’m sure.” Will spoke up, finally. Actually, he wasn’t sure. Maybe the Mind Flayer _ was _ back, and was tricking him into telling his friends he liked boys so they would abandon him and then he would be alone and then the Demogorgon would _ finally_—

Shit.

“Um…” He didn’t actually plan this far. His whole plan was basically _ invite him over so you can tell him you’re gay_, but he forgot to move forward from there. 

Lucas was quiet, which was comforting, in a way. Will had time to think it over. 

“Sorry, can you just, er, give me a minute? To…think. Sorry,” he said again. Lucas smiled at him. 

“Yeah, sure. We can take all day, if you need.”

That made Will smile. 

He didn’t know what to say. Did Lucas even know what being gay was? He had to, what with how many times Troy called him a queer. Surely Lucas had looked it up in the dictionary.

Will looked down at his hands, noticed how sweaty they were, cringed, and looked up at Lucas. 

“Lucas, I’m—“

And then it hit him. He was about to come out to someone. _ Fuck_. Lucas was going to hate him. He would tell Mike and Dustin and the girls and _ Joyce _ and oh _ fuck _ his hands were shaking and he couldn’t _ do this_—

He felt Lucas’ hand on his shoulder, which was weird coming from Lucas, but Will choked through what sounded like a sob, looked at his friend, and said it out loud for the first time. 

_ “Lucas, I’m gay.” _

He can’t hold back the frown that was forming on his face, and he felt tears falling, and he let out a sob and Lucas took him in his arms and held on tightly. Will wrapped his arms around Lucas’ torso and cried, _ sobbed _into his shoulder. 

He heard Lucas mumbling things like _ shh, you’re okay _ and _ you’re okay, Will, it’s okay, I’m okay, _ and Will wanted to deny his words but he heard a soft _ you’re safe _from Lucas, and he would be lying if he said he didn’t feel safer than he’d ever felt.

After that, Will and Lucas had formed some weird alliance inside of their preexisting one. If someone at school called him a queer, Lucas would yell _ fuck you! _ and they would run away laughing. Sometimes if Lucas noticed him staring a boy in the library or at his mom’s work he would just nudge him and grin. Will would roll his eyes and turn his gaze away from the pretty boy, but it felt good to be able to laugh about it with _ someone _.

If he was honest, he didn’t expect Lucas to be the first person to know. He was sure he would tell Jonathan, or let it slip to Mike at some point. He was also glad it was Lucas; he was great at being supportive. 

Which, in a town like Hawkins, felt really, _ really _good.

One day, while they were alone at the Pac-Man machine at Palace, Lucas asked him a question. 

“Does anyone else know?”

Will looked at him, ignoring the game over sound that came from the machine when the blue ghost caught his Pac-Man. 

“Yeah, Keith,” Will teased, gesturing to the older teenager (adult?) who was printing out tickets on orange cheeto fingers. 

Lucas laughed, but still looked at him. Will sighed. 

“No, Lucas, just you.”

“When are you going to tell the others?”

Will blinked at him. He started to feel his heart beat faster. Somehow, Lucas could tell because he shook his head. “No, sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that. Still learning here,”

It was true; he was still learning. Will was, too. Being out, even if just to one person, was different. Good different, though, Will thought. 

“It’s okay. Thank you.” Will hugged him, and he could tell Lucas knew what he was thanking him for. 

But then he heard Max’s voice, saying _ what the hell are you guys talking about? _ and he and Lucas quickly yelled _ nothing! _and Max left it at that. 

Until, unfortunately, later that day. 

The party found themselves in Mike’s basement, as usual, when Max spoke up to Will.

“Will? Come upstairs with me for a second, I wanna talk to you,”

Will’s face flushed. He shot a glance to Lucas, who shrugged and gave him a reassuring look. 

_ Yeah_, Will said to himself as he followed Max up the stairs, _ It’s just Max. I’m okay. She’s okay. I’m safe. _

They stopped in Mike’s kitchen. Will’s foot tapped against the tile anxiously. 

“So, um—“ he started, but Max talked above him. 

“What were you and Lucas talking about? At the arcade. You don’t have to tell me, but I saw you hugging him and was like wow, that’s weird, why are they hugging in the arcade,” she paused, searched Will’s face, then continued, “So yeah. Do you wanna tell me?”

_ Yes. God, yes. _

He nodded to her. She nodded back and leaned against the fridge. 

_ Deep breath. In, out. _

_ Safe. _

He stared her straight in the eyes, and, wrapping his arms around his torso (like Lucas had done) for comfort, and said it out loud for the second time ever. 

_ “Max, I’m…I’m gay.” _

Max gasped. Then, upon hearing the sound come from her mouth, gasped again. 

“Will, oh my god! Oh, come here, I’m sorry I did that. That wasn’t cool. Wow, okay. Here, seriously, come here,” Will felt his eyes filling with tears again, and practically fell into Max’s arms. 

He didn’t sob this time, no. He cried, yes, but he had done this before. He could do it again. 

He _ was _doing it again. 

“Thank you.” He heard her whisper, and he didn't really know what she meant, but still he grinned and held her a little tighter.

Having two people that knew you were gay was very reassuring, Will quickly realized. 

Lucas continued to be supportive, flipping off people who whispered slurs in Will’s direction, and pointing out potential boyfriends for Will. (This _ also _helped Will realize that as sweet as Lucas was, he definitely wouldn’t be able to successfully play matchmaker with him.)

Max was equally as nice, keeping Will close to her and making sure he was okay a lot of the time; especially when bullies were being bullies. She too was a little too into Will’s (nonexistent) dating life and often tried to figure out who Will had a crush on. (Nobody.)

Thankfully, neither of them even got close to letting it slip to the rest of the party. He didn’t think that they _ would_, but sometimes even Will himself almost let it out during lulls in conversation. 

The three of them stayed like this, their little alliance, for a few months. 

That was when Will took another step towards freedom and came out to Jonathan. 

Unlike his first two attempts, he knew what he was doing. He woke up that morning and thought _ yes. Today I'm going to come out to Jonathan. _

When he told Lucas and Max, they were over the moon that he had decided to come out to someone in his family. This helped. 

Will was nervous. Sure, he had gone through the hard part; saying it out loud for the first time. He was practically a pro now, with two instances where he said _ I’m gay _under his belt already. 

But this was _ Jonathan. _ Jonathan his older brother. Jonathan, the one who was _ always _ there for him. _ Jonathan. _

Then again, maybe he would be there for him through this, too.

The day was normal. It was Saturday. The Byers ate breakfast. Jonathan went to work. Joyce went to work after him. Will called Lucas. He played Uno with El. This was _ normal. _Him wanting to tell El that he was gay after he played a Reverse card was normal.

_ One at a time, Will. _

This was normal, too.

When Jonathan got home, he brought Nancy with him. This messed with Will’s plans a little, but he hoped he would be able to work past it.

Luckily, Nancy left before Joyce even got home. Will took this opportunity to make his move.

“Jonathan, can I, uh, talk to you? In your room?” _ Fuck_, why did he say Jonathan’s room? That immediately gave him away; they “talked in Jonathan’s room” when something was wrong.

“Yeah, yeah, sure, okay,” Jonathan was quick to reply, standing up from the couch and making a beeline for his bedroom. As Will moved to follow, El stared at him suspiciously. He merely shrugged. She scrunched up her nose, but did not press.

“Is everything okay?” Jonathan asked once they were seated on the side of his bed.

“Yeah, um, it’s nothing bad. Sorry. I just, uh…”

Will looked around. Jonathan’s room was familiar. Familiar bed, familiar posters, familiar guitar. _ Familiar. _

Will felt his brother’s hand on his knee. “You can tell me, Will. It’s okay,”

And Will knew that he could. He remembered when he was younger, crying to Jonathan about some idiot calling him queer for the first time, and Jonathan explaining that it wasn’t a bad thing, and, hey, Freddie Mercury is gay, and you love Freddie Mercury, right?

Jonathan could tell Will was nervous. Will knew, because he gave him a small, reassuring smile, and that was enough for Will.

_ Third time’s the charm. _ (Will realized that was what you said when the first two attempts _ didn’t _ go well, and that wasn’t Will, but he needed _ something.) _

“Jonathan, I-I’m…” he paused. Jonathan nodded. “...gay. I’m gay.”

Jonathan’s miniscule smile broke into a huge grin. “Yeah?”

Will nodded, tears welling up just like before. “...yeah,”

And then Will was wrapped up in Jonathan’s arms, and he felt happier than ever; a huge weight was just lifted off of his shoulders, he could _ breathe again_, and Jonathan was saying “I love you,” and “I’m proud of you,” which was something he hadn’t heard before. Not about this.

About two hours later, Will realized the mistake he had made.

_ El was in the house. _

When they were getting ready for bed, attempting to share the sink and ultimately failing, El spoke to him.

“What’s gay mean?”

He froze. Oh, _ fuck. _

“Um, what?”

El rolled her eyes. “Gay, Will. What’s it mean?” When he didn’t reply, she continued. “I heard you and Jonathan talking. Sorry. Good ears,”

Will sighed. He hadn’t planned on coming out twice in one day, but some things were out of his control.

“What did you hear?” he asked. (Maybe she didn’t know _ he _was gay, just wanted to know what it was because she heard it in passing.)

“Just you saying sorry and then gay,” She seemed to know that this was touchy for Will, because: “You don’t have to tell me,”

He shook his head. “No, it’s okay, Gay is, um, when a boy likes another boy. I think girls can be gay too,” he added quickly, remembering Steve’s friend’s (Rachel? Robin?) offhand comments about girls being hot.

A pause. Then, “Okay.”

_ Okay, _ Will thought, _ Okay. It’s okay. Leave it here, Will. She doesn’t know, and she doesn’t need to know. Leave it _here.

“Also, um, _ I’m _gay,”

_ What the fuck, Will? You _ need _ to stop doing this! _

El seemed surprised. She blinked at him, slowly. He stood frozen, terrified of what she would say.

“Cool.”

“That’s...it?”

El frowned. “Oh, sorry, was that not good? We can try it again!”

Will just laughed and hugged her. “No. It was perfect.”

He didn’t cry this time.

Having four (four!) people who knew was the best feeling in the world. Every day after school, Jonathan would ask him how he was, and if anyone said anything, and if he needed anything (_anything_) and Will would shake his head and hug him tightly. El, though he was sometimes worried it would slip out of her, didn’t change. Somehow, this was even better than anything Lucas or Max or even Jonathan did. She treated him as if nothing happened. Sometimes she asked about it, or made a comment on someone, but aside from this there was nothing.

It took Will a while to come out again.

After four in a row, he needed a break. A very, _ very _long break. Namely: six months.

Sophomore year ended. They went through summer vacation happily. Will still felt a little strange around Dustin and Mike (and Joyce, but she was a different story) but having three party members on his side made it all okay.

Then junior year started, and Will started hearing slurs around the halls once again. They were still hard to take, but if he had one of his in-the-know friends with him, they would just laugh and move on.

One Thursday night, on the way home from Mike’s (they had been working on a campaign, just Will and Dustin and Mike. Will felt anxious without his allies, but he managed) he found himself alone with Dustin. 

Will knew that Dustin’s house was coming up. If he wanted to tell him, this was as good a time as any. 

“Hey…Dustin?” he said, too loudly. Dustin hummed. 

Will stopped his bike. Dustin gave him a look and slowed to a stop next to him. 

“What’s up?” he asked, sounding worried. _ Fuck_, Will was making him worried. 

_ Hurry up, Byers. _

“I, uh, have something to tell you,”

“Shoot,”

Dustin was so calm. Will tried to replicate that, watching how slowly his chest rose and fell and trying to mimic that. 

“Will?”

Shit, he’d been quiet for too long. 

“Are you okay?” Dustin asked, and Will nodded. (Half honestly.)

“I just, um,” he paused for a moment, then inhaled deeply. Holding his breath, he whispered;

“I’m gay.”

Of-fucking-course, Dustin didn’t hear him. “What?” he said, putting a hand to his ear. Will internally groaned and tried again.

“I’m gay.” he said, almost too loudly this time. 

_ Keep your fucking voice down, jesus. _

Dustin blinked, once, twice, then grinned, flashing the teeth he didn’t have. 

He said something, happily, but Will didn’t catch it. He _ did_, however, catch Dustin dropping his bike and running to hug him, despite the fact that they were about three feet apart.

“I’m proud of you, Byers!” he exclaimed, his smile evident in his voice. Will smiled. 

He wasn’t crying, again, which was nice. He felt safe in Dustin’s arms. 

Dustin, it seemed, wasn’t a fan of people being into Will’s dating life. Namely: Lucas, Max, El.

The first time Dustin saw Max pointing out a nice looking boy at the library, he practically pounced on her. 

“Will’s love life is not our business, Madmax!” he had said. She just rolled her eyes at him, giving a joking look to Will. He laughed. 

The five of them were together a lot more now, which Will appreciated. He felt horrible abandoning Mike all the time, but he couldn’t face him. A certain phrase about not liking girls kept appearing in his mind, and he couldn’t get past it. 

His friends noticed what Will was doing during his sixteenth birthday party, where Mike was inexplicably M.I.A.

“Dude, did you not invite Mike?” Lucas asked him, after cake had been served and _ happy birthday _had been sung.

Will frowned, shaking his head. It sounded even worse coming from someone else. 

“Will! You need to tell him,” Lucas sighed, then fixed his sentence. “Sorry. You _ should _tell him. He misses you, man. He asks about you in math class,”

This wasn’t helping. Will sank into his spot on the couch. 

“I can’t just _ tell him_, Lucas. It’s not that easy. He’s… _ Mike,_ you know?”

“No, actually, I don’t,” 

Will threw his head onto the back of the couch. Lucas just stared at him. 

“Look, Will, you know Mike. Mike knows you. You’ve been friends for what, ten? eleven years now? He’s not going to hate you for being yourself. And if he does, fuck him!” Will laughed at this. Lucas wasn’t an expert in a lot of areas, but he seemed to be pretty good at the gay-support thing. 

“But he _ won’t_. Because he’s your _ best friend_.”

He left after that, leaving Will alone (not really, Max and El were in the living room with him and Dustin was a few feet away in the kitchen) with his words. 

Yeah. Mike couldn’t hate him. He couldn’t. 

Will didn’t know what he would do if he did. 

A couple weeks later, Will showed up to the Wheeler household unannounced.

“Will! This is a…surprise. What can I do for you?” Karen asked, giving him a warm, albeit surprised smile. Will decided to ignore the fact that she didn’t immediately assume he was there for Mike, like she always did. 

“Mike. Is he here?”

Karen’s shoulders relaxed a little. “Yes, he’s in the basement.”

She didn’t need to say anything else. Will awkwardly smiled at her and shuffled into the house and down the stairs. 

Predictably, Mike was surprised to see Will, especially unannounced. 

“Will! Hey, uh, hi, what are you doing here?” he asked, a mixture of confused and happy and nervous. (Why had Will come over without telling him?)

Will tore off his coat and backpack, and sat down in the empty space next to Mike on the couch. “I’m sorry,” When Mike tried to speak, he held up a hand. “For being so distant with you. I’m not mad at you, or anything, if that’s what you think,”

Mike shrugged: _ yes, I did think that, but I won’t tell you even though you’ll be able to tell from me shrugging. _

He didn’t say anything, though, so Will kept talking. “I just…I’ve had a lot on my mind. Recently. And I, uh,”

Will crossed his arms over his chest, and looked up at Mike. He was listening. This was good. 

“I have something I need to tell you.”

This seemed to make Mike worry. “Is everything okay? Is it something from the Upsi—“

“_No,_” Will’s voice shocked even himself. He sounded angry. He _ never _sounded angry. “Sorry,” he added quickly. 

“Don’t apologize. I get it. Now, uh, what do you want to tell me?”

Mike seemed to genuinely care about Will in this moment, and that scared him. This could be the last time he ever saw warmth from his face directed at him. 

He had done this five times now. Surely he could say it again? But the words failed him, and he couldn’t get it out. 

Mike put a hand on Will’s shoulder, and smiled. Will frowned, then made eye contact with him again, holding himself a little tighter. 

“Mike, I’m—“ _ Come on, Will. Come _ on, _ Will! He’s Mike, he’s _ okay_, he’s your friend, he’s— _

“I’m gay.”

“...what?”

_ Fuck! _

Will knew this would happen. Mike hated him, he was never going to talk to him again, he—

He needed to get _ out of there. _

“Shit, sorry, I—“ Will stood up, heart racing, “I’m gonna, um, I’m gonna go,”

He grabbed his backpack and coat, not even bothering to put them on, and tried to go up the stairs. Mike stopped him. 

“No, _ no_, Will, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have _ said _ that, I—shit, Will, _ that’s _why you’ve been avoiding me?” Will swallowed hard, and nodded slowly. Mike frowned. He put both hands on Will’s shoulders, forcing him to look at him. 

“Listen to me, Will. I don’t know if you thought that I would hate you, or _ something_, but, hey, look at me,” Mike said when Will tried to look away, look anywhere _ but _ at Mike, “I could _ never _hate you. I don’t care if you’re gay, or straight, or whatever the fuck the other ones are,”

Will almost laughed at this. He stayed quiet, though, listening to Mike’s every word.

“You’re _ you_. My best friend. You liking boys won’t change that.”

_ Liking boys. _Will had said that to himself before. Hell, he’d said it to Dustin once. So why did it sound so strange coming from Mike?

“Liking boys.” he repeated, softly. Mike’s face fell. 

“Shit, sorry, is that not okay? I don’t—I haven’t really done this before,” Mike looked down. Will smiled. 

“Me neither.” he lied. And then, when he felt his face getting hot and his vision blurring a bit, he moved himself closer to Mike and wrapped his arms around his torso. 

Afterwards, they called the rest of the party over. Will felt like a normal teenager again. No one made a big deal out of it. Dustin said something about everyone knowing, _ finally, _which confused Mike because of what Will said, but Will just laughed and shrugged. 

They all stayed over in Mike’s basement that night, and Will decided to ignore the voice telling him who was next. 

He talked to Jonathan about it, a week after coming out to Mike. 

“I don’t know. I just—what if she kicks me out? Then I don’t—I don’t know where I would go, I can’t—I can’t just live with _ Mike_, or, oh _ god _I’m gonna have to live with dad—“

“Hey! Jesus, Will, what are you even saying?” Jonathan sounded like he was laughing a bit. Will didn’t think it was very funny. “She won’t kick you out. She loves you. And you saw how she reacted when dad called you…you know,”

Will nodded. He did know, all too well. 

“Tell her today. Or tomorrow. I bet you’ll feel so much better.”

He couldn’t argue with that.

Will did end up telling her the next day. It was a Sunday, and Jonathan always went to work early on Sundays. El had slept over at Max’s the night before, too. That meant it was just Joyce and Will that morning. 

After they started their breakfast (pancakes from the weekend previous), Will decided now was as good a time as any. 

“Mom, can I, um, talk to you?” he said, quietly. He thought it was so quiet that maybe she didn’t hear him. She looked up from her plate, though, and smiled. 

“Of course, baby. Is everything okay?” Leave it to Joyce to be gentle and kind with Will, but somehow make him even more nervous in the process. 

“Uh, yeah, everything’s fine…I just have something I need to tell you,” he folded his arms over his chest again. After sharing post-coming out hugs with all of his friends, this action made him feel so much safer. 

Joyce nodded, still smiling, and waited for him to speak again. Will thought about what Jonathan said. 

_ She won’t kick you out. She loves you. _

“Can you—can you promise you won’t be mad?” That wasn’t fair to Joyce, asking her to promise something she couldn’t control. Will wanted to take it back the moment he said it. 

“_Mad? _ I won’t be mad, sweetie. You can _ tell me_.”

In that moment, Will knew she was telling the truth. 

“Mom, I…” 

_ Fuck, he was starting to cry. Get it _ together _ Will. _

“I’m gay.”

And somehow, despite this being his seventh time saying the words _ I’m gay _ out loud to someone, this was his breaking point. He choked out a sob. _ Shit! _

“Oh, Will, honey—“ He heard Joyce’s voice say, muffled by the ringing in his ears. He found himself being pulled into her arms, and settled in immediately, still trying to hide his tears. 

Will heard her saying something else, hopefully good, but he didn’t hear her because _ he just came out to his mom and she wasn’t yelling at him. _

“…not fair for you. I’m so sorry you had to go through all of this alone,” Joyce’s voice started to become clear in his ears again, and her words only made him cry harder. She sounded like she was going to cry, too.

He reluctantly pulled himself away from her embrace and looked at her. “You can’t cry, mom, you’re not—“ Joyce laughed.

“Look at you. Just did something that was probably _ so scary,_” She took his hand in hers as she spoke, “And you’re worried about _ me _crying!”

He laughed wetly, wiping away some tears with the back of his free hand. 

“Will, baby, listen to me. I will _ never _ hate you for _ anything _ . There is nothing you could do that would make me hate you. I _ love _ you,” She embraced him again, and this time his arms wrapped around her easily. (_Safe, _he thought.)

_ “And I am so, _ so _ proud of you.” _


End file.
